So Amazing

     This evening the lyrics to “So Amazing” by Luther Vandross are playing in my head and I have this overwhelming sense of purpose.  I feel like I am finally walking into my destiny.  I am finally using the gift that God gave me and I can’t really explain how extremely grateful I feel right now.  I am grateful that God allowed me to live long enough to accept the gift that he gave me and to really begin to use it.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was telling a friend that I needed to start using my gift.  That I needed to start taking my writing seriously and start doing what I was put here for.  For many years my friends and family had been encouraging my to work on a book and I would always respond that I was “working on it.” I would start writing and then stop, over and over again.  I would complain that I didn’t have the time, that I was just too busy with work and raising my son, that I would get around to it and never did.
It’s funny how God works and even funnier how the Devil distracts you.  It’s been almost a year since I have been off work and I have had more time on my hands now then I have had my entire adult life, yet I still didn’t REALLY write.  I found everything else to do with my free time, i.e., fool around on Facebook, playing The Sims and the one thing that I spent hours on…  Sure, I would write a little every now and then and I would tell myself that “starting Monday” I would commit at least 2 hours a day to writing.  I can’t tell you how many Mondays came and went and yet, I STILL wasn’t writing.  God had given me all this time off, time that I probably would never have again and STILL I didn’t write.
It’s a good thing that God isn’t in the business of giving up on us, because had it been a mere mortal, they would have said, “She’s a lost cause.  She will never use her gift the way that it was meant for her to use it.  She will never understand her purpose here on earth.”
I guess you can say that I started listening to what God and everyone else had been trying to tell me for years.  Lately, I have been coming up with all this subject matter to write about.  I have come up with ideas on how to use my writing to inspire and help others and it’s crazy how once I decided to really accept my purpose, how my creative juices have been flowing.  But you know the Devil never wants you to do what God wants you do and he almost had me doubting myself through “an acquaintance.”
I asked someone to read my blog and let me know what they thought and without reading the entire thing, part of their response was, “..I am just not big on these single sista blogs that are nothing but self righteous rants with no self reflection.”  Now if you know me, you know that I don’t take criticism very well (I’m working on that) and to say that I was pissed off would be an understatement, especially when you didn’t read all my blogs.  You just went off the name off the blog and came to that assumption?  For a minute, just a QUICK minute, I was second guessing myself and was thinking that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  However, I though about what my momma always said, “One monkey don’t stop no show,” so the show as you can see, kept going on.
It’s so amazing when you realize and start doing exactly what you were called to do.  This blog is only the beginning and since I started writing it, I have come to remember how much I really love to write.  How effortless it truly is.  I said it before and it is worth saying again,  It’s a good thing that God isn’t in the business of giving up on us because if he had I wouldn’t be feeling so amazing right now. Thank you God!!!!


Let Go (Written 10/6/2011)

About 3 weeks ago, I went to urgent care because I had been having chests pain for 5 days.  While there, the nurse administered an EKG.  Moments later, the doctor rushed in and explained that the EKG came back abnormal and ran down all this stuff that could be wrong.  By now, I am crying so hard, I can’t even see the doctor anymore.  The next thing I know, a nurse is running in with nitroglycerin and aspirin.  I hear the doctor shouting to the nurse to get me a cardiologist appointment  “NOW!”  As I am sitting there, all types  of things are running through my head like, “Who will take care of my son if something happens to me, etc.”  The nurse comes in with the info for the cardiologist and the doctor tell me, “Not to worry.  It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”  “Don’t worry?  Really?
Before I went to the cardiologist, I called my mother hysterical and when I could finally get the words out, I said, “The doctor said….”  My mom shouted, “STOP!  Don’t SAY anything!  There is NOTHING wrong with you.  Keep repeating to yourself, “By his stripes, I am healed.” It’s funny thinking back, how hearing those words calmed d me down immediately. All the way to the doctor, I kept repeating, “By his stripes, I am healed.  By his stripes, I am healed.”  I said it over and over again as I waited in the waiting room and as I took another EKG.  The results were the same.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have taken all kinds tests.  I have had ultrasounds, some machine that looks like a MRI machine take pictures of my heart.  I have been injected with all kinds of stuff and have been stuck with more needles than one should see in their lifetime.  During this time, I have carried on like nothing was wrong.  I did not let the thought of those tests results consume me.  I was still having chest pains and through it all, my mantra became, “By his stripes, I am healed.”  I went to church and had the preacher pray for me.  I put my offering envelope on the altar with “healing in my body” written on the back.  I started walking every morning with gospel music playing on Pandora radio and every time I wanted to give up and not walk, Dwayne Woods’ song,” Let Go” would come on and I mean EVERY time!  “…As soon as I stopped worrying, worrying how the story end… I let go and I let God, let God have his way and that’s when things start happening…”
If you have talked to me during this time, some of you knew what was going on, but I never confessed out of my mouth what the doctor said was wrong with my heart.  I didn’t stay locked in the house crying asking God, “Why me?”  I didn’t skip a beat because I let go and let God.  I didn’t worry.  I didn’t stress.  I KNEW nothing was wrong with me.  I KNEW that the devil was a liar and that God was not going to let me go out like that.
True to his word, today the doctor called me today with the results and there is NOTHING wrong with my heart.  Thank you, Jesus!  The reason why I am sharing this is because I have several friends, many who I know will be reading this, who are going through  some things.  Some may be health issues, some financial issues, relationship issues or they may be tired of their job and want to quit.  You have to let go and let God.  You have been trying to do it on your own.  You have seen doctor after doctor, seen counselors, put in applications…you have done all you can.  Now, you have to let go, let God and BELIEVE that he will do for you what you are asking.  I am not the a “holy holy” person, I don’t go to church every Sunday.  I am not a saint BUT what I have always had was a belief in God and if you have that faith of a mustard seed, and believe in God, everything that you are going through WILL do a 360 degree turn and the victory will be yours.
Be blessed,
By thesexysinglemommy Posted in Fath Tagged ,